Mongoose Farming

In earlier posts I have mentioned mongoose farming, and I must admit, like many people, I share an healthy non-obsessive respect for the strange creature called the mongoose, and indeed, am considering farming them. These are my reasons:

1. I looked up ‘mongoose’ in Google and the link was purple like I’d clicked on it already. I don’t remember clicking it. I think there is a mongoose hiding in my computer, Its name is probably Beavis and it mostly likely comes from Bangladesh (It has a foreign accent). It enjoys watching Hogan’s Heroes and constructing model trains. I’d better get some more mongooses so that it doesn’t get lonely, otherwise it might get bored and start playing with my stuff, and making viruses. Mongooses are mammals. Mammals can carry rabies. I don’t want rabies.

2. Mongooses look like Weasels. Weasels have sharp teeth and eat things. Therefore mongooses are probably alike. If you put a Weasel and a mongoose in a bag and they got off on the wrong foot and started to fight I wonder who would win? I think the mongoose because mongooses eat Snakes and live near the equator. The Weasel lives in England. I rest my case. This just goes to show how important first impressions are I guess.

A Mongoose

Corporal Frederick Hamsworth Jr on Training Exercises in the Middle East

3. Frederick would be a good name for a mongoose.

4. If I make a country I’ll need agriculture. All major countries have agriculture. Even the Vatican grows guilt and 15th Century opinions. I don’t know what I’ll do with the mongooses when I grow them. I don’t know if I’ll have the inner strength to kill them myself, and I don’t want to pass the buck to someone else. Sub-contracting is capitalist. Mongoose fur is really tough. Snakes can’t bite through mongoose fur. We could make a whole suit out of mongoose fur, and then put someone in a pit full of snakes, and watch the snakes try and bite them. But the person would be OK because mongoose fur is really tough. I don’t know how mongoose flesh tastes like. Probably chicken. Everything tastes like chicken. That’s one thing popular culture has taught me. Also, mongooses eat snakes, and snakes taste like chicken, so the chickeny taste probably gets passed on.

5. If any one tries to attack me I can keep my mongooses in a cardboard box which I tug along with string. If someone pays me out, or if they try to fight me I can say “Argh! Were you expecting a HORDE OF MONGOOSES to appear? Coz I was!” And then I’d open the box and a heard of mongooses would pour out like locusts and devour the person. But I don’t want to kill them, just scare them slightly, so I’ll teach them a codeword in Sanskrit (The mongooses speak Sanskrit) and then they’ll stop and return to the box.

So do any of you know where I can get my hands on a few dozen mongooses? I’d go to India and catch them myself, but I don’t want any buildings to fall on me without warning.

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17 thoughts on “Mongoose Farming

  1. mongoose farming is more similar to ferret farming then weasel farming contrary to popular opinion, and as an experienced ferret farmer who has done some trial mongoose farming i suggest some very important things you will need.
    1. a cat-flap on your back door so the animals can escape bad weather
    2. a large back yard with low to the ground fences to prevent outside rodents coming in and spreading rumors about what will happen to them later
    3. low sand levels in the soil as this will dirty the floor inside when they make their daily rounds to inspect your socks.
    i hope this is useful in your experience and i think that your mongoose will feel better to.

  2. You must be sure to make their beds out of super soft Mongoose Industries bedding material and give them plenty of Mongoose Industries Energy Drink which contains water and lemons. Therefore they will be very well off indeed.

    Sadly I do not know how mongoose farming is regarded in North Korea, I look forward to Mr. X’s reply.

  3. Translated, for the convenience of the reader, from the original Russian:

    Restoration and renovation of apartments finishing facilities, rooms or homes – this is an urgent problem at present the majority of people who decided, finally, to repair his office. Not only is the improvement – the process time consuming and stressful, yet to find a trustworthy company, dedicated to improving the apartments or cottages is now virtually impossible. The fact that fewer and fewer organizations in Russia is doing its job well, efficiently and inexpensively. Business apartment renovation

    However, our company is a pleasant exception to this rule unpleasant. We have for years engaged in finishing of premises, rooms, houses and had never occurred to us not by our customers or unpleasant feedback or any complaints. apartment renovation price turnkey rich experience of our experts, as well as the high professionalism of all, without exception, our staff will do well, efficiently and – importantly – is available as a cosmetic, and repairs. furnish apartment vacancy modern equipment, new technology and design, as well as individual approach to each client and flexible system of discounts made our company the most successful to date by the organization providing services to the restoration and decoration, apartments or town houses. square foot apartment renovation

  4. Let’s put the base of quotations? :

    Everyone has desires that he does not tell others, and desire, which he did not confess even to himself.

    • Thanks Discount Coupons, and what an amazingly unique name you have there! While I’m not sure the adjective “rattling” is a compliment, I’m sure “pleasant” is.

      I er… like to think I’ve learnt a lot from you too…

      That isn’t awkward is it?

      *coughs*

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