Several weeks ago I got a bag. It was a colossal achievement but I did it anyway. I picked it up and took it. Although on second thoughts it was more a satchel than a bag. But a man satchel. A very masculine satchel. It was coloured black. Black is a manly colour along with yellow and purpurn. Together however they’re quite gay. Unfortunately that’s how electromagnetic radiation works. Don’t complain to me. I didn’t invent it.
Everyone in my year got this bag, because in a week we shall do the School Certificate. Unfortunately I composed most of this before the certificate and forgotten about it. Like an apple you’ve taken half a bite out of and then put in the fridge and forgotten about. Excuse me if there’s some temporal inconsitincies here. I can do this coz I’m actually Doctor Who.
They put some pretty cool stuff in it. There was a chocolate, which I immediately ate, a stressball, which I immediately threw, a mini candle, which I immediately raised an eyebrow at, and several sticks of incense, which I immediately sniffed. That was where the wonder began.
I don’t quite understand the reason for putting incense in a SC preparation bag. But I don’t care. It has prompted me to learn more Eastern culture or become a hippie or something. A quasi-techno-hippie. On my resolution of converting to hippyism I will perform several steps.
1. Grow my hair longer than it currently is. Maybe die it brown if that’s organic. Probably grow some beardy thing. I can do this despite my relative youth because I’m very masculine. I enjoy sports and criticising people. I can also break sticks with my hands depending on how early it is in the morning.
2. Where thongs more often. Please note these are not American thongs. Australian thongs like sandals are worn on your feet. I suppose you could were American thongs on your feet. They would be less efficient though. And attract strange glances. But that doesn’t mean much, I’ll have long hair anyway. But the glances may transmorph into stares, of higher clarity and duration. This may slowly drive me insane or force me to become a hermit.
3. Move to Nimbin. Nimbin is the capital of the Western World. If the Western World was confined to the area immediately surrounding Nimbin. The town is famous for hippies, long-haired people and halluicongenic plants. Nimbin would be the capital of the Hippy Empire if hippies went for that sort of thing. They don’t, but I’m just saying if they did it would be. I’m not sure you understand the gravity of this. WHEE!
4. Adopt characteristic hippy rhetoric. Man.
5. Purchase or steal a combie/kombi. They are fairly awesome. I would paint mine green and blue and red. I would put a musical device in the back and attach beads to every possible thing. I’d invite people to my kombi for kombi parties. We’d drive the kombi, talk about the kombi, suckle its sweet juices and play kombi games like kombi twister and kombi yahtzee. Maybe some kombi snap, which is a kombi card game.
6. Travel around the world. I’d probably do that anyway. But I’d go to different place if I was hippy. Like Ecuador. And Swaziland. And Tibet. I might not travel though. Just chill in Nimbin with my hippy peeps. Doing hippy things. Maybe go to Belligen or Byron Bay. If you’re a foreigner you won’t know what I’m talking about. But that’s OK. You’ve probably got a moustache, a fez and look suspicious. All foreigners are like this. Don’t be offended.
I thought of a few more things but I’m hungry and my eyes are sore… Which brings me to another hippy thing.