Another Long Paws

Hurrah! It’s me again! Sorry for the hiatus. I’ve been doing other things, having moved on from using this site to procrastinate to procrastinating about posting on this site. What rot, I know.

Truth be told the only reason I’ve returned is to re-engage with my own hedonism, and the erstwhile tip that writing blog is a great way to “pick up chicks.” But doubtless the overriding cause was the exhilaration one gets at typing up subjective drivel at 2 o’clock on a Sunday afternoon while a Western plays in the background. Will I continue to post here? Of that, I am truly Adam-ant.

Most Socialist President of the USA

Penguinbane is gone. Our dear beloved Newt Gingrich. Although he made unrealistic statements about space, loved God, despised the left and was renowned for his interest in popular hygiene, Penguinbane somehow did not succeed in his ultimate quest to become President of the United States (POTUS). Coincidentally an anagram of POTUS is POUTS, and pouting being one of the myriad of reactions that comes to mind when I hear a little smidgeon of this on my television late at night.

“As to the presidency, I’m asked sometimes is Mitt Romney conservative enough? And my answer is simple – compared to Barack Obama? You know, this is not a choice between Mitt Romney and Ronald Reagan. This is a choice between Mitt Romney and the most radical leftist president in American history.

Pengun Vs Gingrich

You’re Either On One Side Or The Other

To be correct I didn’t pout. I got up off my seat, walked over to the television and said the word “no” loudly and repeatedly, with intermittent inclusion of “idiot”. My beef? Udder than the supposed fact that conservative is now a byword for “best”, the equally intangible statement that Obama is the most radical leftist president in American history. Please. I live in Australia and I know that not to be the case, as much as my subversive little heart wishes otherwise. I will present to Penguinbane three arguments. Three presidents who were more socialist than Barrack Obama.

El Presidente Uno: Theodore Roosevelt.

Oh Teddy! Interventionist hero of the Spanish Wars, roughrider, game hunter and all round badass! He rode meese and strangled nakeds with his bear hands! Often ranked within the 5th best presidents of all time! Is he not more conservative than Chuck Norris? Well aside from his Spaniard ousting adventures overseas, Theodore Roosevelt was famous for his trust busting. That’s right, the evil statist restraint of capitalism’s ethereal invisible hand, infringing the abilities of hardworking honest industrialists to gain monopolies on certain sectors of the economy. Also he was a greenie. He basically created national parks and was avowed conservationist. He would have liked the EPA and wind farms if Marx magic were able to resurrect his corpse today. Verdict? Tree-hugging liberal.

Der Prasident Zwei: Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

A distant cousin of Teddy, and therefore a commie by default, Franklin Delano Roosevelt is often rated as one of the USA’s greatest presidents, for his skillful steering of America out of the Great Depression and into World War Two. FDR’s package to revive the ailing United States was disgusting heartless communist filth that worked quite effectively if some historians are to believed. It was based around not only the recovery of the economy to normal levels, but more decisively “relief” for the unemployed and “reform” to prevent the Great Depression from happening again. That means wealth redistribution and regulation kiddos, and that’s socialist. FDR’s New Deal also relied on massive public works programs to provide employment to proletarian scum and revitalise sections of the economy that deserved to die. Though much headway has been made by a series of more sane governments that have eroded FDR’s evil regulations, and made the natural profitable cycles as seen in the Global Financial Crisis possible again, socialist anathemas like the Tennessee Valley Authority and the outdated anti-market concept of “social security” still exist.

Workers Toil Soviet-Like Together

Soviet Union Socialist Realism? Or Timberline Lodge Oregon?

Le President Trois: Dwight Eisenhower

Dwight, like T. Roosevelt at first glance does not seem fairly socialist. He was a Republican. He was a five-star general who put all of Western Europe under the stars and stripes. He became the super commander of NATO, intervened in Iran and Guatemala to topple left leaning democratic leaders and replace them  in national interest. But all this doesn’t diminish his socialist aspect. After all, did not Trotsky believe in a world revolution? Did not the Comintern specialise in the creation in the contamination of precious bodily fluids across the world? The fact remains that although Ike fought the Soviets back like a true patriotic son, his national policy would be condemned as socialist if put forward today. What did he do? Well for starters the top tax rate in Eisenhower’s reign was 94%. Today Obama’s trying on his class warfare to raise it to 40%. He ordered the state build highways, rather than rely on friendly private corporations and expanded exponentially on the disgusting social security FDR forced on the brave American populace. He also tyrannically placed in troops to enforce educational integration at Little Rock, Arkansas. Astronomical taxes, builds autobahns, gives money to filthy poor folk, makes war on conservative values. Eisenhower is undoubtedly a Red. If only McCarthy had spotted him and acted accordingly.


So next time you hear, or perhaps even yourself spout, Penguinbane’s misplaced rhetoric, actually consider America’s history, and realise that Obama is not socialist. He’s a moderate conservative, well to the right of Eisenhower and most centre-right christian democrats in Europe. Peace fraternal and sisternal comrades, and please rectify any errors this hapless Australian has made. Read here for an interesting more comprehensive version I’ve found.

Ultravox! New Europeans!

Ultravox, also know is awesome, is as eighties as you can get, and without a doubt one of my favourite bands. They market synth with a vengeance, with stupendous guitar riffs, with powerful vocals that reek of melancholy and anger and decisiveness and other mixed emotions that Freud would diagnose as symptoms of a severe mania resolving from an unresolved relationship with one of your second cousins! Super!

The video above is a classic. There’s a brief Dutch subtitled interview with the band before it cuts to a live performance of “New Europeans”. This song seems to embody the apocalypse in all its compellingly schadenfreude glory. When the world financial system finally collapses under it’s own weight, I’ll be fanging around post-Apocalyptic Forster with this blaring out of the car speakers, raiding petrol with my cadre! Because when you think about it, aren’t we all New Europeans? Fine, that doesn’t really make any sense. Watch the video, let Midge Ure and the lads do the talking.

Clive Palmer: National Treasure?

G’day guys and gals. Sorry for the hiatus, I’ve been too busy making excuses, and its been a slow news week besides. I just though I’d tell you a few quick thinks about our dear collective amigo, Clive Palmer, declared a National Treasure by Woman’s Day and therefore apparently some sort of cultural folk hero who specialises in gallantly destroying world heritage areas and destabilising governments.

Clive Palmer, Australian millionaire mining magnet and apparent national treasure is a hero. If you haven’t been blessed with the giddy pleasure of having witnessed him on Australia’s nightly news bulletins, he basically just loves calling press conferences and announcing things. Just like Spiderman’s sticky hand juice, and Batman’s cape and lycra fetish, it’s a vital part of his superhero persona. He successfully revealed to us the astonishing revelation that Greenpeace and the Greens are run by the CIA, he’s starting up a rival football federation to counter Lowy’s evil heartless commu-facists. He’s going to rebuild the Titanic, discover the lost city of Atlantis and presumably perform a duet with Gina Rinehart on the ship’s very prow, a premiere of Gina’s latest spoken word piece about the evils of regulating business and the need for Third world slave labour. Celine Dion eat your heart out.

Is there anything more that our dear, heroic national treasure can offer this country. The short answer is yes. He’s going to run for parliament, in Treasure Wayne Swan’s seat of Lilley, and perform a heroic public service for the national good.

Okay. Let’s depart from that for a second and take a more serious tack. Now this bloke isn’t your run of the mill Vermin Supreme, your satirical, attention seeking 4chan troll. He may be ridiculous, but he’s kind of dangerous. Like our dear friend Gina he’s got an agenda, namely “cutting red tape” or more accurately giving free run of the country to the super rich like himself. At the moment, gaining favourable preselection for the seat of Lilley is seeming remote, but I assure you, should he gain it and anymore influence, it would be a dark day for our supposedly egalitarian society. People like Mr Palmer and Ms Rinehardt are like poison within our system, using their immense wealth, built up via exploitation and inheritance to alter the flow of opinion and change political decisions in their favour, be it to deregulate business, encourage socially conservative views, or skew the “debate” on anthropogenic climate change. The consolidation of the power should be rightly feared, and opposed at every turn. Robber barons should not, nor ever be, a part of Australian society.